Crush

My big Crush. It's lasted about six years now. When I met him, he was married. I won't mess with a married guy. I just admired him from a distance. He's so cool. He makes everyone laugh, and nothing ever got to him. If it did, you never knew it. He's always kind and helpful.

I worked with him. Once I had a rough customer with the email and he took over the call for me. When someone has you back like that in the tech support trenches you don't forget.

He even bought some of my handmade jewelry once; he thought his sister might like it. By the time he was divorced, I had a boyfriend. By the time I'd broken up with the boyfriend, he was long gone from my days. He went crop dusting. In Mississippi, I think. He's a pilot, so he is also very intelligent. One has to be, to fly planes.

He's been there to offer moral support. He's even helped me financially, though I never asked. Having listened to stories he's related regarding all the folks he knows-and it's a lot-I've come to the conclusion that this is his nature. I sometimes worry people may take advantage of him. But he's smart. I am sure he knows that sometimes, people do. But he is kind anyway. I hope I can be as good a friend to him as he has always been to me.

I have no idea how to repay all this goodness. What to do? I can make him things out of yarn, listen to him when he has a good story to share, and hug him tight whenever I have a chance. I don't get to see him often. He has, in my estimation, an adventurous life. Therein lies the rub; one big thing I love about him makes him largely absent from my days.

There's more to it. He has no idea. But I can say that he's cured me of all my crushes. He's all that's left... and for this one remaining crush, I fear there's no cure.

That's ok.

I do try to distract myself from thoughts of him. Because I only want him if he wants me freely and chooses to be with me. I want him happy. That would make my heart smile, even if through tears.

Just when I think I'm over it, I hear a plane overhead and say a quiet hello, just in case! :)